Wednesday, May 27, 2009

How my friend learned to stop worrying and love Dr Strangelove

Film forum is showing Dr Strangelove through Thursday.  I'll wait here while you go see it. 

Anyway, I went with two female associates, one of whom had never seen it.  I think it was a great experience for all of us, because sometimes I love something and wonder if I still love it because it's nostalgic, or because it's truly good.  I, of course, laughed a great deal during the film.  My friend was in hysterics.  This reassured me that I wasn't just agreeing with the elite or succumbing to nostalgia in still loving this great film.

This, of course, lead me to thinking: what other things that I've loved have stood the test of time?  What has not?

Things that have not stood the test of time:
1> Jokes
Not comedy, but jokes.  Knock-Knock jokes don't make me laugh anymore.  Nor do most traditional set up jokes.  

2> Superhero Cartoons

I dare you to watch the marvel cartoons from the 70's.  Now, I dare you to show them to a kid nowadays.  He or she wouldn't sit through it.  The animation is shit, the drawing was mostly shit.  There are exceptions, of course, like the old Superman cartoon.  There is also an inverse to this in that the cartoons now suck compared to the late 90's (Anime Batman looks nowhere near as good at Batman the Animated Series Batman)

3> Fashion
Hipsters can take offense to this all they like, but nothing in the late 70's or early 80's, fashion wise, stood up over time.  Shoulder pads for women?  Big hair?  Pegged pants?  high flattops?  Teased hair on men?  Cockbroom moustaches with the aforementioned hair?  

Things that held up over the years:
1> NES
Girls, and old gamers still love old school NES games.  Games today aren't nearly as hard as they were when I was a kid, to the point where GAME REVIEWERS will put a big minus if a game is too challenging.  Also, the game characters were cuter.  They had to be with that sort of graphical limitation.  I remember about 10 years ago I used to hang out with a girl whose apartment got robbed, and her biggest lament was they stole her NES.  I got her a new one for her birthday, ands she acted like I got her diamonds.  Sure, the graphics look like crap next to some ultra next gen game, but the newer games don't require nearly as much dedication or reflexive skill.

2> Music
80's music seems almost like it's more popular now than in the 80's. Even I listen to more of it now than I did then.  I think it's because the quality of pop music has fallen to shit in the past decade.  I'm by no means an advocate of pop music, but if I have to be forced to listen to a radio I'd prefer Tears for Fears to whatever crap they're pushing today.

3> Cartoons
I'm talking about Tom and Jerry, and Looney Tunes.  They never go out of style, and they never cease to amuse me, or my younger cousins.  And nobody, absolutely nobody, can catch El Magnifico!  Still.  To this day.   I'd also like to add in The Three Stooges here.  They were sort of like a living cartoon.  I don't even get why they want to "remake" them, since they were actual people, and not so much a story.

Got anything to add?  Don't agree with what I am saying?  Want to call me a cunt?  We have a comment section for that.  

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The End Is Shit

I beat Far Cry 2 a few days ago.  That game is LONG.  Each half of the game is equal to a full length game in and of itself.  Without giving anything away, I'll say when you GET to the end there's a choice of two things you can do.  I saved and did both.  I was underwhelmed by the results.  

For those of you wondering why you should care about a months old FPS that nobody else seemed to care about:

1> Fuck you, you should, it's amazing

2> This isn't a game review, I'm getting to the point in a bit.

At this point I have to say SPOILERS AHEAD!  this is a post about game endings, so if you haven't played the game mentioned, don't read any more.

Far Cry 2:
So you're this badass merc sent to kill someone who repeatedly saves your ass.  I can't see I didn't see it coming that you end up helping him.  What COULD have been set up better is how he'd been secretly herding the civilian population somewhere secret for a mass exodus.  And I THINK the ending implies he ran the underground.  Who knows.  All I DO know is my options were "die in an explosion" or "die from a self inflicted gunshot wound after being a hero".  WTF? 
I'm not even kidding, both of those options were the ending, some sort of double suicide/save the orphans pact.  To make it worse: they both lead to the same ending.  You never see the gun suicide.   You never see YOU or the Jackal. 

Grand Theft Auto IV:
I beat this awhile back, but I love bringing this up as recent kind of shitty endings.  No game seems to have taken the steam out of a series like this one.  I mean, they tease you at the start with this amazing engine with an immersive city, then make you drive a cab for approximately 10 hours, so I'm not very surprised.  That said, since when was GTA about someone's life ending up being shit because he lost a loved one, rather than about building a bad-ass empire of drugs, prostitution, and real estate?  

GTA IV: The Lost and Damned:
I've said to many people that this game fixed everything that GTA IV seems to have broken.  Gone is the emo-ness of a life lost by war and devestation... at first.  GTAIVTLAD (TLAD from here on in) starts strong making you second in command of a biker gang.  Some of the side missions of gang warfare really make me wonder why the entire game doesn't use a similar mechanic for missions.  I know the friendly AI isn't as good as you, and you can't give orders, but it was immersive and badass to have an entire gang be at your aid.  Much like the teaser "boss" in GTA IV (Darko Brevitch I think), the final boss in TLAD doesn't do much as you walk up and shoot him in the face.  Considering the fight involved in GETTING to him, it didn't bother me as much as it might seem.  But there you go.  You are the boss.  All dissent is quelled.  You are the boss of bosses, bikerwise.  Now would be a good time to go get your ex and put her into rehab, maybe take over the other biker gangs.  Set things right.  Own the night, et al.  Instead, it seems the protagonist seems to think this incredibly bonding experience you just had breaking into a jail and fighting the LCPD is the perfect preface for burning down the clubhouse and dispersing the biker crew who was more united than ever.  Once again, I miss Tommy Vercetti who at least had the good taste to get rich and retire in a mansion.

By the way, from this point on, don't expect any sort of synchronicity in my musings.  I don't know why I write this warning, it's not like anyone actually READS this blog...

Assassin's Creed:
It's almost not fair to put AC on this list, because it doesn't reallty have an ending.  It has a cliffhanger involving the bartender walking out a door.  Even the ending of Altair's story is just, like "oh there was a thing, and now we know what it is".  Had I been paying attention to the bartender's story I might have understood what was being explained, but in the end, I stopped caring after the third time I had the same woman thank me for saving her in yet another city.

The game criticized for being TOO sandboxy has an ending that's too tacked on.   Announcer guy gets all evil and mentions you're part of the New World Order.  Oh noes!

Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty
This game made me quit the series.  The last game ended with some speech about defeating genetics with willpower or some crazy shit.  this time, you make me play over half the game in a series about resident badass David, AKA SOLID SNAKE as a character named Rayden.  Who is essentially for gameplay purposes the same, except a giant pussy for storyline purposes.  The ending in this game seems to have made 2 points.
1> Solid Snake could be anyone.  Yeah, no shit.  You INVENTED him specificly to be the anyone.  Congratulations on the self-reference, Hideo. 
2> Whoever the Sons of Liberty were supposed to be in this game they were... oh wait, they were the original sons of liberty.  Who are dead.  LONG dead.  So it remains a mystery.  Except it may also be a computer program.  I stopped caring long before this became clear enough to truly be unclear to me...


Seriously, what is the deal with game endings?  I don't want Shakespeare, or master story writing, I just want to feel like I am being rewarded for beating your stupid game.   Gritty and bleak endings only work in film, because in film you are forced to examine your motivations in identifying with certain protagonists.  I'm FORCED to indentify with the protagonist in a game, because I am playing as him.  I don't want to then be asked if I REALLY want to identify with said protagonist, because the answer is probably "no", anyway, because most game protagonists are annoyingly generic.  Weak endings also suck, because I want to at least acknowledge that I accomplished something.  Even if it's just a shot of my character sitting on a pile of gold bars and money having copious amounts of sex with strippers.  Mario's princess was in another castle until he found her.  Having that be the ending isn't ironic, it's just plain annoying.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

I am apparently secretly the son of Andre the Giant

It's been a weird thing that to Africans and African Americans I am often asked if anyone has ever told me I look like Andre the Giant.   A white friend of mine agreed with the assessment once, but it seems to mostly be the domain of black people.

The most recent time this happened, I was tired and getting out of work, and decided to take a cab home.  As I walked from the front door of my building to a cab that was already pulled over, the driver looked at me and SHOUTED "Andre the giant!!!"    Apparently a wrestling fanatic, my entire ride home was filled with talk about Hulk Hogan's family, and how I should bodyslam his son.  It was nice enough, I just included it because it's a perfect example of how this happens.

Before that, I was buying a game for my 360, and the female clerk said "Did anyone ever tell you you look like Andre the giant?"  I actually looked at her, and was surprised because she couldn't have been over 21, and said "You know, only black people seem to think that, but yeah, I get it all the time."

There was a point to this blog, but I totally forget what it is.  In the end though I don't think I look that much like Andre the giant, though it's awesome to be compared to that great man.